Up Kilt!
by J. ROOF
Summary: Just a quickie one shot to satisfy an urge. Fits in with Snow Angels and Starships. Mears and Barrows wonder about a certain Scotsman's kilt. I guess you could almost consider this a song-fic? Either way, enjoy!


For Marla, to satisfy her kilt fantasy.

* * *

"Do you ever wonder if he really wears anything under that kilt, Cathy?" Tonia asked, eyeing the sleeping Scotsman on her sofa.

"Don't even think about it, Tonia. Scotty would never forgive me."

"Party pooper," said a disappointed Tonia.

The Enterprise was playing host to Ambassador Fox, who was on his way to NGC 321 to open diplomacy to the civilizations there. Captain Kirk had required his senior offers to attend a reception in the ambassador's honor. As Chief Engineer and second officer, Scotty had been forced to go.

Montgomery Scott had always been the kind of man that could hold his liquor. However, formal functions made him nervous, nervousness made him drink a little more than he would normally call appropriate. After he found himself a little too far in his cups, he managed to stagger down to Cathleen and Tonia's shared quarters. He stumbled in to profess his undying devotion to Cathleen (in front of a snickering Tonia), and promptly proceeded to pass out on the sofa.

Cathleen had indeed found herself wondering from time to time what Scotty wore under his kilt. She had eyed the garment a few times as it hung on his valet stand in the corner of his bedroom, but never actually saw him wear it. Until now. She had to admit, as wasted as he was when he walked in the door, he looked very handsome.

"So what are we gonna do with him now?"

Cathleen walked over to where he was softly snoring on the sofa, and poked him on the arm. He stirred, muttering something about nacelles, and one foot dropped to the floor with a thud.

"I guess he'll sleep here tonight." She looked at Tonia who was giving her a wicked smile.

"What?"

"You know you want to look Cathy." Tonia slowly inched her way towards the couch.

"Don't you dare!" Cathleen defended him. She sat on the arm of the sofa and began to remove his shoes. "You seem to forget, I already know what he has under there."

"But you don't know if he's wearing any skivvies or not! Don't you want to know what your man wears under his kilt?"

"It doesn't really matter now, does it? Scotty would be mortified if he knew I let you molest him in his sleep."

"I'm not gonna molest him...... I just wanna peek."

Just then Scotty stirred again, turning slightly. His kilt started to ride up, almost exposing his hip.

Tonia's green eyes widened with delight and Cathleen grabbed the hem of the kilt, smoothing it back down over his thigh. Scotty resumed his snoring.

"Just a little peek, Cathy. He'll never know." Tonia approached him again.

Cathleen knew her room mate well enough to know once Tonia had her mind set to do something, she would never let it go. Part of it entertained her to know her friend was curious about her man. She never really shared information about her sex life unlike most of her friends. And part of her wanted to sneak a peek as well.

She eyed Tonia carefully. "You swear on all you hold dear, you won't tell?"

"I swear! I swear!" Tonia came around to the end of the sofa to stand and waited for Cathleen to do the deed.

Cathleen gently lifted Scotty's kilt, hoping he wouldn't startle and catch her in the act.

Both ladies gasped in surprise at seeing him in all his glory. Cathleen, due to the shock that her seemingly old fashioned beau actually wore nothing, and Tonia, out of sheer satisfaction and a new-found respect for her boss.

They marveled over him for a minute and Cathleen lowered Scotty's kilt back down over his legs.

Tonia stood next to Cathleen nodding her head in approval over Scotty. "Good catch Cathy, good catch. Hope he knows what to do with it." She giggled and Cathleen glared at her but couldn't help laughing herself. She always thought Scotty was more than adequately endowed, but the look on Tonia's face now proved it. It made her feel a little proud.

"Tonia, help me get him to bed, I can't leave him on the couch all night."

Cathleen nudged Scotty again and told him to get up. They hoisted the half-sleeping man and helped him stumble to Cathleen's bed. Cathleen began working to get Scotty undressed and looked over her shoulder to find Tonia watching intently. She stopped and asked, "Could you at least let the poor guy keep _some_ of his dignity?"

"Well, where am I supposed to sleep?"

"How bout with Kevin?" Cathleen brightly suggested.

Tonia huffed, "You're mean!" She grabbed a bag stuffing it with some clothes, and stormed out.

* * *

The next morning a hung over Scotty arrived at work to find a certain red-haired yeoman tidying his office.

"Mornin', " he mumbled, and sat down at his desk.

"Good morning Mr. Scott," she chirpped, pouring him a cup of coffee. "Sleep well?"

He glanced up at her suspiciously, wondering why she was so cheerful. "Aye," he answered.

As Tonia finished her morning chore, she handed him a PADD. "Maintenance logs, Sir.

He thanked her and she left half-singing, half-humming a vaguely familiar tune.

He was sure he had heard it before, but couldn't remember when or where.

* * *

Well, a Scotsman clad in kilt once left a bar one evening fair,  
And one could tell by how he walked that he'd drunk more than his share.  
He fumbled 'round until he could no longer keep his feet.  
Then he stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street.

Ring ding diddle iddle i de o,  
Ring die diddley i o.  
He stumbled off into the grass to sleep beside the street..

About that time two young and lovely girls just happened by.  
One said to the other with a twinkle in her eye.  
See yon sleeping Scotsman so strong and handsome built.  
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt.

Ring ding diddle iddle i de o,  
Ring die diddley i o.  
I wonder if it's true what they don't wear beneath the kilt.

They crept up on that sleeping Scotsman quiet as could be,  
Lifted up his kilt about an inch so they could see.  
And there behold for them to view beneath his Scottish skirt,  
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

Ring ding diddle iddle i de o,  
Ring die diddley i o.  
Was nothing more than God had graced him with upon his birth.

They marveled for a moment and then one said we must be gone.  
Let's leave a present for our friend before we move along.  
As a gift they left a blue silk ribbon tied into a bow,  
Around the bonnie star the Scot's kilt did lift and show.

Ring ding diddle iddle i de o,  
Ring die diddley i o.  
Around the bonnie star the Scot's kilt did lift and show.

Now the Scotsman woke to nature's call and stumbled toward the trees.  
Behind the bush he lifts his kilt and gawks at what he sees.  
And in a startled voice he says to what's before his eyes,  
Oh! lad I don't know where you've been but I see you won first prize.

Ring ding diddle iddle i de o,  
Ring die diddley i o.  
Oh! lad I don't know where you've been but I see you won first prize.


End file.
